The Last House On The Left (2009)

1.0

HORROR/THRILLER
U.S. Release Date: 03/13/09
Running Length: 109 Minutes
MPAA Classification: R
(Sadistic Brutal Violence Including A Rape and Disturbing Images, Language, Nudity and Some Drug Use)
Theatrical Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Cast: Sara Paxton, Monica Potter, Tony Goldwyn, Garret Dillahunt, Spencer Treat Clark
Director: Dennis Iliadis
Screenplay: Adam Alleca, Carl Ellsworth (reworking Wes Craven’s The Last House On The Left (1972))
Cinematography: Sharone Meir
Music: John Murphy
U.S. Distributor: Rogue Pictures

Review by: Carter Moulton

03/11/09

The seventh word in The Last House on the Left is “hornier.” Here we go again. There isn’t much to like about this film unless you like the sight of gore or rape—or pointless movies. It’s a pointless film because it’s already been made—Wes Craven’s The Last House on the Left (1972) (although the stories origin traces back to Ingmar Bergman’s The Virgin Spring (1960)) and just about every other horror movie of late.

How I long for the shocking, creative horror films from the 1970’s to resurface—just not in this manner. Films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and Halloween (1978) may have included mind-threatening gore, but didn’t depend on it; films with creative ideas and different angles for attacking our psychological being; films with bone-chilling dialogue and characters with unforgettable imagery and personality. Hollywood seems to long for these films too, so they keep remaking them. Well, each time they regurgitate, they pull a translucent curtain over a work of art (I wouldn't call the 1972 version "art" for the record), and I’m honestly getting tired of it. How about some new, creative ideas—even if they fail, at least it stands as its own work.

In this version of The Last House on the Left, Sara Paxton stars as Mari Collingwood. She and her parents are off to their cottage (the last house on the left) for a vacation. Sara leaves to meet up with her friend Paige, a conventional horror-film bad girl, hungry for drugs and sex. A boy named Justin (Spencer Treat Clark, sort of a Paul Dano look-alike) enters the store where Paige works and asks for a pack of cigarettes. He’s doesn’t have any identification, so Paige gives him the cigarettes in exchange for some “high quality” pot. Sara’s hesitant, but they go to smoke with Justin anyway. What they find out is that Justin’s father (Krug, nice name, played by Garret Dillahunt), who returns home to catch the three teenagers up to no good, is essentially the ringleader of a gang (3 members in all) that kills just about everyone they come across.

Photo © Rogue Pictures

They capture the two girls and threaten and abuse them in typical fashion. The three antagonists really are boring, uninspired characters—although one makes it clear that he is anti-text messaging. We are supposed to believe that they are just "bad," which doesn’t cut it for me in this case—they were too conventional to be considered “plain evil.” Events unfold and the three criminals end up at the Collingwood’s vacation home in need of shelter from the (obvious) stormy night.

Monica Potter and Tony Goldwyn play Sara’s parents. The suspense of the story occurs when they realize that these people, whom they are so graciously accommodating, beat their daughter to a pulp. What lengths will they go to in order to punish the murderers?

While the 1972 version clearly went for shock and awe on the sexual front, here it’s mainly about the gore. The film does, however, feature a rape scene involving the main character. Watching this rape scene—keep in mind, I was sitting next to a five year old, why would you take your child to see this, dumb parents, but that’s another story—was uncomfortable to say the least. Characters get creative with kitchen utensils and decorations, using everything (and the kitchen sink) from a pickaxe to a meat cleaver as weapons. Moreover, you’ll rarely see Mr. Collingwood with out his handy-dandy, pain-inducing fire poker as he slowly paces around the house in anticipation.

I’m not a big fan of mindless gore, but even if you are, there isn’t material here that you haven’t already seen—save the ending that I won’t give away, but I will say that watching The Last House On The Left is pretty well represented by this last scene. Every standard is followed: rebel teenagers get into mischief and drugs, breasts are exposed for no reason, characters act without reason, etc. The whole production reeks of "Direct-To-DVD," with ordinary direction, bland dialogue, rehashed material, uninteresting characters, cheap-shot startles, etc. Add this to the recent pile of slasher-remakes that will fade with time: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Amityville Horror (2005), The Hills Have Eyes (2006), Halloween (2007), etc.

I’m making lists. Not a good thing. So I’ll instead ask a question: why does our culture find these senseless blood-and-sexual-juice-baths entertaining? We need more films like The Others (2001), Orfanato, El (2007) and Låt Den Rätte Komma In (2008)—films that try something different and have an interesting story to tell.